goodbye 2010

this is how i see it.

i'm gonna be honest with you here 2010, you had some good times- you did, its true. but there were so many times that fuckin sucked. and so with a grateful look on the positive and an excited look upon the new year, i bid you a due 2010. here's to the new year- a new beginning, a fresh start, and new adventures. cheers.

different sides

there are many different faces to everyone.

it rained today.

messy love.

i think a lot.

and so sometimes i wonder if he thinks too.

lovely.

:]

No more.

question.

ask me. and i'll know.

follow me.

remember me? i remember you.

being awake.

meditation; i had no idea. i get it now. "being awake...."

oh, hello. i missed you. where did you go? i didn't know you were there. i see now. i see what all the hype was. i wanted to understand but i never let myself get there, get it. i do now. wow- i can see. or i did see. i can go back still. back to where ever i want or where ever i feel. i say it all now. listen here! listen to me. follow my voice. get it all back too. i know where i am. i know where i'll be. i'll be waiting for you there. come on now. come with me.

releasing water&light- but not so much light.

whats on the other side? certainly not a rainbow. its not even raining after all. and the sun- thats essential but thats gone too. but where did it all go?

i dont know. its scary, not knowing and not having anymore hope. theres no more hope. i hate myself for not being enough. enough for the sun to come out, enough for the rain to pour. instead its just cold. cloudy in some parts but not the slightest chance of showers. how did it get so cold all of a sudden?

you were there- it was hot just a couple weeks ago! i miss the sun. and before that, i wore my rain boots. i miss the rain. and there was a rainbow- a double rainbow? haha, no. but a rainbow none the less.

what is there now? theres nothing. there's "weather" i guess but its not what i want. i want everything i cant have. and what i want, wants everything it has... and hasnt. i'll never understand why the rain lost hope. why the rain doesnt want to pour anymore. global warming to blame? yes, at first. too much sun. too much heat. but then, but NOW, we've learned. learned so much... but now why still does it not rain??? i think its cuz its just too late.

snow now? no, no we live at the beach. there's no snow. but its too late in the year for much more sunshine left. and the days get darker sooner now. did you notice? daylight savings time and all that. the sun really is shining less. not because it wants to, but because its being forced out by the night. by the cold dark night, (where it still doesnt rain by the way.)

and so now what? what else is there if there's no sun, no rain, no rainbow at the end? just cold. just wind. just hurt. i wish i could take it all away. lets go back! lets go back to summer! i wish. there would still be time. i'll give it all the time in the world. there's no promise for tomorrow though. the weather is not easily predicted.

why doesnt the rain just come back now? i see the sun pop out and i feel it for parts of the day. it feels good to defrost. but the rain- the pesky rain. it doesnt want to come back. i hope the flowers dont die. they need both. and the trees too. i love the trees. they know whats important. its life. the rainbow is a sign of life. because its in balance with both things. love.

why cant the rain see that? why has it forgotten what it all means? its not fair. not at all. i love you. i love you rain. i love the sun too. i forgot about the sun. i forgot about the one you know. the one you met to make the rainbow so long ago. i forgot about it and now you forgot you. you've forgotten how to rain. the clouds are sparse now. and i'm scared they wont have the know how or the release to rain again. sometimes, i think i can see the moisture in them. but then they go. theyre really quite far away arent they? never quite above me that i can see. but where are they? where do they go when i cant see them? i dont know.

my heart is there though. where ever that is. i wish he knew. i wish he remembered. i wish so much. bring it back, i ask. bring back the rain. but it doesnt come. where is it? i dont know. will it come back? it doesnt seem that way. i miss the sunshine and the rain. i wish it were different. i wish so much.

its night now, so i guess now i can wish. i'll chose a star. and wish for the same thing every night. the rain wont hear because its out somewhere else and the sun- the sun wishes for the same thing i do. its not the end for me. no, i'll keep it all in my heart. (and in this blog...) because the rain cant read this! the rain cant read!

maybe i'll write a story book. one that makes more sense. its hard to make sense when nothing adds up (to a dollar?) no no, thats cents. cents and change. change was always ok. i didnt like that it jingled though. i didnt like that it might fall out of my pocket. so i used to keep it in my wallet so tight! that way it wouldnt make noise. but now i know its ok. i welcome the sound, i miss the noise. i miss it all.

i want i feel i know i cant i wish i hope i can i love. theres always so much. so much all the time. but now what? where to go from here? i wish i knew. the rain will never know what i go through for a dance. (a rain dance i mean) and i guess thats the best way. because, overall it doesnt matter what i want or what i feel. it does to me of course. it does to so many others but the rain, the rains not here. it doesnt feel me like i feel it. the rain is gonna rain when it wants, where it wants regardless of where i am.

i still want it though. the sun will have to do for now. it hurts too, the sun. too hot. risk of getting blisters. (and skin cancer- eek!) oh how i long for what i miss. nostalgia? not quite. regret, i admit- a little. all i know for sure. i love the rain. i wish that was all that mattered. i wish that were enough.

none.

no new pictures. there isn't enough light to get a good one and the flash is faulty. no film either... the memory card is full to the max and i cant delete anything. they're all really important, you see. i gotta get it fixed but it might take a long time. lets wait till the end of the semester. it should be fixed by then... in theory. there's no way to really tell, there's only time. i still have my camera, i'm not gonna get rid of it. don't you worry. i just have to wait. we all just have to wait. it'll come back though. i believe it will. until then, lets find something else together. lets create the memories in our heads. lets remember it all from before the pictures all started. i don't want to forget the pictures, don't get me wrong. but its broken, the camera is broken. so we gotta make the most of it until its repaired again. who's with me? i know you are. lets go.

writing love in the sand.

exercising our love.

destination: happiness.

the journey began with excitement.

& our love kept us strong.

the laughter never ended.

so we kept walking.

you look like a carpenter!

take me out to the ball game,
take me out to the crowd.
buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks.
i dont care if i ever get back!
for its root root root for the DODGERS
if they dont when its a shame!
for its 1, 2, 3 strikes youre out!
at the old ball game!

under the stars.

attention.

i wish it would rain.

he's the one.

<32109
i want it all to get better for you.
and, i want to go home.

a bitter-sweet ending.

The Dance Studio took the stage one final time.


i love you all so much.

where i learned what love really is

12 years later...

Its closing soon and last night was my very last night dancing there.

Edna told me that it doesn't matter because whenever, where ever i dance - may it be in class in long beach, gettin down in a club, or doing a pique in the grocery store; i'll always take it with me.

ballerinas.

lissade: ["glide"] A connecting step. Start in plié; move the working foot out to pointe tendu; then move onto that leg, closing the left foot and landing in plié. This step is a gliding jump from one foot to the other that can be done in any direction.

i love to walk barefoot.

♥ the begining.

dear summer,

I've waited for you for so long and i am so excited that you have finally arrived. please stay for as long as you'd like.
i promise it'll be well worth it.
xoxo,
Valerie

a fairy tale.

There was a prince and princess who were very much in love
One day, the princess was stolen away by the evil puppet, Pinocchio.
The prince needed to get his love back, but didn’t know where she was.
He asked the wise thunderbird, guardian of truth, where he could find his love.
He told him that the princess was locked up in the highest tower of evil Pinocchio’s castle.
In order to win her back, he must seek out the three wise green guardians.

Guardian Pony bestowed upon him the shield of courage.

Guardian Moose bestowed upon him the sword of strength.
Guardian Bear bestowed upon him the protection of love.

He gathered his gifts and battled the many waters of the sea
And cut through the great forests of the mighty flowers.
There was Pinocchio’s castle and protecting it was a great dragon.
The Prince threw the evil puppet into the fire of the dragon and with the gifts from the guardians and with the love in his heart, he slew the dragon, defeating the evil Pinocchio.
He climbed the tower and kissed his princess.

There was a great celebration throughout the village and everyone rejoiced.
And the prince and princess lived happily ever after.

my heart's friend is a he not a she.

Shoshone Love Song

Fair is the white star of twilight,and the sky clearer at the day's end;
But she is fairer, and she is dearer.
She, my heart's friend!

Far stars and fair in the skies bending,
Low stars of hearth fires and wood smoke ascending,
The meadow-lark's nested,
The night hawk is winging;
Home through the star-shine the hunter comes singing.

Fair is the white star of twilight,

And the moon roving

To the sky's end;
But she is fairer, better worth loving,
She, my heart's friend.

mehul (MEH-hool)- meaning: rain

"The rain was exciting,
fun, refreshing and beautiful. It washed away the negative entities of the earth, the ones that man has left to fester and those of the broken soul. That’s what it was for her, it was cleansing. There was so much comfort to be gathered just from the sound it made tapping on the windows outside, inviting her out to play. And the actual feeling of it falling from the sky onto her skin- reassurance that she was still alive. It could be dangerous, but there’s risk in all things in life, and this risk could end up in fulfillment of dreams.

Because there he was standing there; no hood, no umbrella, nothing. He acted as if he wasn't getting soaked from head to toe in this soon-to-be magnificent storm.

He just wanted her. She could feel it when he stared. In that one look he offered her all the love, warmth, and patience she could ever hope to receive in this often too cold world. He was ready to give her everything and seemed set on waiting for her response. Like the rain, he too made her feel alive and welcome and loved.

'It could be dangerous,' she thought. 'But there’s risk in all things in life...'

She was ready."

blessings.

"Yigaquu osaniyu adanvto adadoligi nigohilvi nasquv utloyasdi nihi"
(may the great spirit's blessings always be with you)

-Cherokee Adage

:) good news.

its quite possible that this will only last the 6 months that were promised to us.

...but maybe not. maybe its the first step to something great. the first step to what we all need- a cleaner world. :)

to read about the wonderful news and to know what we can do to reach that goal, please click here.

captain planet needs your help.

although these are, in fact, not my photos, they are beautiful pictures of two amazing creatures that can be greatly affected by the oil spill in the gulf.

and after seeing these two (i like to call them bonnie & teddy,) of course you want to know more- more about how they can be affected and of course, how you can help ♥

penguins.

it was quite some time ago, i realize. and perhaps it wasn't always the best of times. but those times led up to these times. and these times with you, are my favorite.

i miss you every second i'm away from you and i count the days until we're together again, at the park, swinging on swings at midnight.

i love you.

May- the flower moon sign.

ladybugs.

i miss the days

when my biggest worry

was about all the ladybugs

flying around me.

love & kabin fever

i hope for more nights like this.

monday - friday.

i've been house sitting :)

her name is cookie.

beauty is.

inspiration is easy to find in nature.

inspiration.

Dancing - Elisa

Time is gonna take my mind
and carry it far away where I can fly
The depth of life will dim my temptation to live for you
If I were to be alone silence would rock my tears
'cause it's all about love and I know better
How life is a waving feather

So I put my arms around you around you
And I know that I'll be leaving soon
My eyes are on you they're on you
And you see that I can't stop shaking

No, I won't step back but I'll look down to hide from your eyes
'cause what I feel is so sweet and I'm scared that even my own breath
Oh could burst it if it were a bubble
And I'd better dream if I have to struggle

So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me

I'm dancing in the room as if I was in the woods with you
No need for anything but music
Music's the reason why I know time still exists
Time still exists
Time still exists
Time still exists

So I just put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me
my arms around you they're around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
they're on you

My eyes